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Game of Thrones season four: eight things that happen which we can’t talk about

Game of Thrones

How kick-arse will Daenerys be?

Stop looking at the clock – it’s not Game of Thrones o’clock yet. It’s not even close – have a nap, go for a walk, or go for a long sleepwalk.

You’re right to be excited, because the first episode of the fourth series has several sparkling moments and one sequence which is a stone cold – as cold as Ned Stark’s head – classic. However, we can’t really give anything away, so here are a few non-hints to some vague things.

1) There is a scene involving chickens

And it’s possibly the best scene in the show’s history.

2) No, really, it involves chickens, [sorry, can’t say] and [better not mention], and it’s straight from a Spaghetti Western

The dialogue cuts through bone and you’ll end up holding your breath, but be quite unaware of it. What [sorry about this] says is exquisitely offensive.

3) We meet two new characters in a brothel

One of whom, [spoilers, etc], makes one other client very uncomfortable.

4) You won’t ask Diana Rigg to sort out your jewellery collection after this

There’s no telling where any of your necklaces will end up.

5) A game is played by [it’s for your own good] and [more ours, probably] which involves swords

It looks as enjoyable as ‘I Spy’ in a four-day long bank holiday weekend traffic jam, while you’re stuck in a tunnel.

6) Teenagers are nothing compared to pubescent dragons

Now there’s tetchy.

7) Vegan barbarians look an unlikely element of this world

You’ll see why when [we don’t fancy explaining  ourselves to them] meet [nor them].

8) Fans of blacksmiths are in for a treat

These guys know how to please our inner ironmonger, that’s for sure.

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