Why’s he sat on the Iron Throne?
Are you recording the first episode of Game of Thrones series four and thinking, ‘I’ll watch the other three series first and then catch up with everyone’?
Then you’re wrong. You won’t. The only available time for that is Easter Weekend and that, as we all know, is dedicated to cramming in as many hangovers as possible. At best, at least three a day.
What we can do is bring you up to speed quicker than a Stark is killed at a wedding [OH SORRY SPOILERS] by showing you how to watch the show in seven episodes.
Winter Is Coming (S1 Ep1) Here we learn Cersei and Jaime aren’t kissin’ cousins, but shagging siblings. And that they’d kill a child to protect their secret. That’s some opening episode.
Baelor (S1 Ep9) And so continues Sean Bean’s bad run of form in fantasy epics. He was always living on Borrow-mired time.
Garden of Bones (S2 Ep4) Joffrey shows how he’d score an A+ in Cruelty in a scene with concubines, a mace, and a crossbow.
Blackwater (S2 Ep9) For a show with so much death, this was the largest and prettiest scale we’d seen it on.
And Now His Watch Is Ended (S3 Ep4) After Daenerys revealed she spoke Valyrian, local cab drivers never took her on a long-winded route again.
Second Sons (S3 Ep8) Tyrion joined an elite group by threatening to cut off a king’s penis, but failed to use a regal enough blade.
The Rains of Castamere (S3 Ep9) Didn’t buy these two a wedding present? No matter.